Peace

There's about five things I struggle with on a nearly daily basis. I don't want to get too emotional or negative. I thought about listing all those things but instead I'll keep looking for peace and wisdom. 

A letter...

...to the 140s.

Dear 140s,

We have seen each other far too many times to count. I'm looking forward to saying goodbye and I hope its the last time I see you. However, I lose my focus and you have been too easy to return. I will continue my training and tweaking nutrition until you are gone. The struggle between us is real but I will prevail in the end.

Sincerely,

E

*I'm only halfway serious in this post and I'm linking up with the weigh in wednesday girls in spirit. It's too busy for blogging activities at work.

Two things: the piano and weight loss. Lord please help me!

Very often, I find myself struggling with something and I come here to talk it out. It gives me a chance to think things through thoroughly and perhaps move the right direction. I am working on two unrelated  things: the piano and my weight loss. Clearly there is no relation between the two but I'm spending a lot of time processing both.

Currently, I am playing the piano at church for the junior high and high school students. I've committed to playing every Wednesday since September. There's been some highs and a lot of lows. I struggle with low self confidence because I don't know all the songs, don't play the way that the leaders would like and don't know all the keys all that well. (There's only 12 keys but I have yet to master them all.) One new leader has been added and soon we will have bi-weekly dress rehearsals. I'm for the dress rehearsals but I'm still pondering how I can break this knowledge barrier. I've asked for assistance and heard crickets chirping (perhaps they will reply to my email and perhaps I'm forgotten.) I've taken up flash cards to brush up on the basic music theory. I've watched a few youtube videos. I am a classically trained pianist that needs to know how to finesse music with nothing more than a chord chart. What really burns my fire is that I am playing the right notes but I'm not playing the way leadership wants. Playing chords is easy but adding that flare is not in my repertoire. Not yet anyway. All that I have left to do is to keep pushing forward and trying new things. Maybe someday I will break through and play fluidly with pizazz. 

Dear Lord, please give me and my fingers the wisdom to praise You as You deserve!

Secondly, I have lost weight successfully numerous times but I've struggled with maintenance. I am spending lots of time thinking of what workouts I need and my nutrition. I know that if I relax and stop focusing on this issue, the weight will come back. I can't let that happen. Losing weight is not hard but it takes dedication and if I can't maintain the weight loss, this would mean I don't have the dedication. I'm planning to start a weight loss group for my friends at work, church and the gym. I've been pondering a book as well. I will probably write the book on my blog, to help organize my thoughts. If I can help others lose weight, that will keep me dedicated to maintaining my weight loss. So as the thoughts come. I will be blogging my weight loss journey.

I have a review for a workout podcast coming up for tomorrow.

Weight Loss Wednesday

I'd like to thank everyone who has encouraged me as I share my struggle to lose weight. This is the wrong time of year but every bit as important. I am down 2 pounds and looking to shed 7 more over the next two months or so. Having mouth surgery has led me to and kept me from healthy choices. I'm eating all carbs since that's soft and staying away from chewy candies for fear of ripping out the temporary crown.

On a separate note, I baked four items yesterday: chocolate chip cookies, sugar cookies, peanut butter fudge, and banana bread. Wheat flour was used every where but the fudge. I didn't eat any of it! Yay! I have them in individual baggies to give as gifts to coworkers, neighbors, and staff where I live. Sadly, the chocolate chip cookies were in the oven too long and are very crunchy (something I am not eating right now.)

I am accepting guest posters for weight loss Wednesday's. Do you have a good tip or encouraging story? I'd love to hear it and feature it on my blog. Please contact me by leaving a comment or emailing me at estherdavison@gmail.com. Thanks and please stay tuned for thankful Thursday.

Weight Loss Wednesday

  It is weight loss Wednesday and I am admitting to struggling with my sweet tooth. Last night I made a 60 second chocolate chip cookie thanks to Pamala's Heavenly Treats. The recipe can be found at this link: http://pamelasheavenlytreats.blogspot.com/2012/10/60-second-chocolate-chip-cookie-in-cup.html 

and I am not 

happy that my BlogDocs app has decided to not function correctly for me.

Workout: yesterday I was sore from my workout. Today, I did 20 minutes 

on the elliptical and 

15 minutes weight training. It was an 

excellent workout for me. 

Peaceful

I have a confession to make. I am rarely satisfied with where I am in life. I am always looking to move forward and get somewhere else. I never take the time to enjoy where I am in the moment. To get places, there is a process. This journey called life is not to be taken for granted. God is patiently teaching me to relish the process and find contentment. I think I'm ready to move to the next job or the next city but God has different plans and timing than I do. It's a daily struggle for me and I am constantly reminding myself that God has great plans for me. Jeremiah 29:11 says, " For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." NIV My struggle is not over. At times I feel that it's difficult to rein my mind onto positive thoughts. Thankfully God does not give up on me. Amen. END

We Need Balance

Tonight, I attended a seminar on the work/life balance that most women struggle with. Apparently, we are born with at least two genes that make us feel guilty. We feel guilty for many things such as working instead of taking care of family or taking care of ourselves instead of working. We have to learn that it is ok to let stuff go and to pick our battles. Its important to be present where we are at that moment in time whether its work or home or helping out in the community. We need to understand that sacrifices and choices are made. Don't stress out! Be happy with what you have. Understand work/life balance does not mean the same for every person. We all have different priorities, which dictates how we handle the equation. This was an enlightening seminar, which also had some good career advice. I'll share that next time.

Welcome to a new blog post

Hello. I've been absent minded and not blogging. Its time to start again because its so therapeutic for my soul. Writing helps me to get the heavy thoughts off of my mind and onto the blog.

The challenges that I am wrestling with are two-fold. I am working on getting a new job and I am working on getting a healthy and more fit body. It seems that each day presents a different obstacle and I do my best to work through it. Today's nutrition was good except for the hot chocolate with whip. I ran on the treadmill for 30 minutes and got through 2 miles. I need to be faster! I focused my thoughts on staying positive except I still complained about my current job.

Oh how I struggle!

Dear Lord, Thank you for my successes and help me to stay positive in the face of my short comings.
Dear Friend, Thanks for reading and any comments are welcome.

Its all work

Today’s rating is Positive.

Sometimes, other peoples stress can get to me. I feel it at work and at home. This makes communication a bigger challenge. I am a very positive person most times but when I’m faced with a person who isn’t that way its not easy to keep my positive nature. It drains out of me down at the toes. I remember this feeling from past challenges and I remember things worked out. That will be the case this time too.

I am sticking to my original opinion that all will be fine. I just don’t exactly know how it will work out. I am thanking God for taking care of me through all of my past struggles and preparing me for a happy future. Amen!

The struggle

Today’s rating is Positive.

I have struggled with being in this location for a long time. Lately, I’ve felt that there’s no purpose and I would much rather be somewhere else. I am thankful that this struggle will not last forever. The light at the end of the tunnel is getting larger every day.

I was contacted by a company to do a phone interview tomorrow. I am praying this will be good and that this is the right job for me. The struggle clouds my vision and I can creatively find a reason to accept any job. Somehow, God has protected from a terrible job so far. Thank you Lord!

Something new

Today’s rating is Positive.

I did something new with my hair and it felt good! I drove a new (to me) car today and that was fun! A change of pace can deal productively with stress. It takes your mind into a different and hopefully positive place. Try it out sometime and see if it helps you.

The job hunt is not over and I am struggling to determine which way is the right way to go. At some point, I have to stop being a first born, always looking for perfection, and seize the opportunity that comes my way. Dear Lord, please give me the wisdom to know what is best. Amen.

Current Struggle

Today’s rating is Positive.

Currently, I am struggling with relationships. I will text, email, facebook, or call a friend or family member. Sometimes, I don’t hear from that person very quickly. I would like it if people responded right away or at least the same day. I feel ignored when I don’t hear from people. That’s probably not how I should feel, since any logical person understands that we are all busy. At the same time, I also know that sending a quick message or text takes so little effort. I don’t understand why this is so hard for me and for my support group. I work hard to stay in touch because I know the importance of relationships. Is it really too hard for everyone else?

I probably don’t want to know the answer to that question.

FI - YAH (FIRE)

Today’s rating is Positive.

Michael Fleming, http://twitter.com/#!/MichaelSFleming was talking about Moses and the burning bush. God showed himself to Moses through fire because fire can be terrifying. Michael was saying that this is a partial description of God. I would agree.

I thought about that most of the day and it made sense to me. God is all-knowing, all-powerful, and everything else. He knows my inner thoughts. He knows my struggles. He knows me at me weakest points. I can hide these ugly things from the world but not from God. That is a very scary thought. In honor of God being represented by fire, I bought a fire log to enjoy tonight, with an open window.

Dear Lord, Give me strength to be vulnerable with those close to me and patience to complete this marathon called life. Amen.

Accomplishment

Today’s rating is Positive.

I know from personal experience, when I’m struggling with life, I feel better when I have completed something. It can be something that needed to be done or something that I wanted to do. The feeling of accomplishment can help erase bad feelings. It makes me feel strong, especially when I am in the middle of feeling weak.

I did laundry, dishes, and grocery shopping today. Nothing exciting or life changing but I feel good. My biggest accomplishment was completing the MBA program at CU Denver. What is your biggest accomplishment or proudest moment?