Serious Sunday

Its a serious Sunday. I believe this blog to be an entertainment blog, especially with all the fun photos I post. I also have used this blog as a form of therapy and at times find that I still need assistance with stress relief. "Don't be afraid of failure"Have you heard that phrase or something similar? I most certainly have. My question to the universe is, how can I be afraid of failure in the midst of feeling like a failure?There I said it. I feel like a failure. I spent three years studying and working on an MBA in Finance. Once I graduated, I couldn't find a job with my degree but I already had one and knew that I would be moving within a couple of years. Then I moved. The best job I could obtain was a customer service/sales job. What was all that work for? Why do I have to pay a mortgage sized student loan payment with a baby paycheck? My boss keeps telling me that my paycheck can be better if I sell more. I'm not impressed, interested or motivated any longer. After securing this job, I continued the hunt; actively and aggressively looked for a new job. I was ignored by every company. I paid hundreds of dollars for a streamlined professionally written resume and found nothing but more sales jobs. I found a placement agency that is looking for work for me and has sent me on some interviews but still nothing has transpired. I can't do it on my own.I can't find a job with a placement agency.I need a miracle from God. If God can erase three of my sister's medical bills, couldn't he also erase student loans?Dear Lord, I know you have a plan. I know its your timing. I know that I am getting tired of the depressing view in my life. Please come. Please show me your miracles. Thank you and Amen. Dear Bloggy Friends,Please come back tomorrow, where I promise to be more positive for Make a Difference Monday. Thank you!

The Machine

This blog is inspired by my shrinking confidence in my experience, my education, my strengths, and my network. Finding a job is demeaning. Finding the right job is worse than finding a needle in a haystack.

I have deemed job hunting The Machine. We are all pieces in this machine. The human resources department for thousands of companies is constantly sifting through thousands of resumes. Each applicant is another widget in the machine and sadly has very little control over their future of their career. Each manager is a sprocket in the machine incapable of finding the right candidate to fill the opening.

Thinking about The Machine is depressing.  It leaves little hope for the little guy looking for something better. My tiny silver lining is that I have a job. Its not a great job. It pays less than the last one and is essentially the same tasks that I hated in the last job. So much for moving ahead in the career world.

My pessimism is compounded by the fact that I didn't do anything wrong. I played by the rules. I found contacts and gave them my resume. I have nothing to show for my work. I expect that I will find that needle and I expect it will take a long time.  

Pain

Today’s rating is Negative.

I am in physical and emotional pain. I didn’t expect to be declined for the job. If I had expected that, I wouldn’t have spent over $450 to go to the interview. The only healthy way I’ve been able to deal with this pain is to get things done. I applied for more jobs online, which is just a black hole for my resume. I vacuumed, did laundry, and dishes. I probably need to do something else but my brain is not working correctly. Maybe that’s why I let my husband leave without saying something good and why I am completely lost as to what my next move will be.