The struggle is real.

So I've gained back the 10 pounds that I was trying to lose but didn't lose all the way. Let's use real numbers here since that last sentence may not actually make sense. 

I had gotten to 145 and got it down to 137 and now I'm back at 145. I can't deal with 145 because that's too close to 150. People who are 5' 2" do not look healthy in the 150s. Sigh. 

Now to focus on nutrition because my workouts are just helping me to maintain and not lose. 

I've been posting my food (and my cats) on Instagram as a form of accountability. There's some great weight watcher accounts that I follow and maybe if I'm photographing my food prior to eating I'll do better. 

I'm considering banning dairy again. I love the 18 grams of protein in my Greek yogurt. Maybe dairy isn't my friend though. So this blog will continue to be another source of (frustration) accountability towards my goal of losing weight. Maybe I can get into the shorts before summer is over. 

The beginning of my journey

My journey towards health and losing weight started when I was 17. I went looking for photos that would document my progress and I didn't find much. What surprised me more was the few photos I did find, on the outside I did not look bad. That's not what I remember and there's a good chance that at my heaviest I won't find any photos. 

At 17, I weighed in at over 150 and wore a size 16. I recall purchasing some size 18s as well. I refused to get on the scale because I was afraid of the reality. I was not healthy.

All of my life, from grade school through college, I have struggled with weight. I was always getting the larger sized clothes and I would prefer baggy clothes over fashion because that was comfortable. I could hide my weight.

I don't know where I learned my eating habits from exactly. I remember eating until I was literally sick on several occasions. Looking at my parents, my dad is fit and trim but my mom is not. While I was a junior in high school, my mom and I decided to lose weight together.

We joined The Prism Weight Loss Program and attended weekly meetings. We had 4 phases to get through and it was faith based. I stuck it out but I can't remember how far my mom made it. I lost at least 20 pounds and went from the size 16 to a 10. I was feeling good but my struggles with food continued. I'd feel guilty when I had something that was not on the diet. Eventually, I grew tired of feeling guilty and stopped doing this diet.

I will need to take photos of my photos and that will be for another post. Have you struggled with weight your entire life? Am I the only one who dieted at age 17?

Drinking beer at McNellies in Oklahoma City 

Weight Loss Q & A

I would not say that I am a yo-yo dieter, although I have lost the same ten pounds three different times now. I would say that finding balance and maintaining a healthy weight is all together something different from losing weight. Its all too easy to go back to old habits and watch the scale slowly climb back to my uncomfortable top range. This last time, I was so successfuly, that I fit into a pair of shorts I thought were impossible to fit into. (I'm not entirely sure why I bought the shorts in the first place but I am a sucker for a good deal and a good brand.) My current goals are to finish a half marathon and not gain weight (unless its muscle.) I just want my clothes to keep fitting nicely and I'd like to enjoy my shorts in the summers. I had two summers where I was too fat to fit into my shorts. I was uncomfortable. Last year was my first summer in which shorts were not a problem. I was overjoyed!  

 

I can safely say that I am good at losing weight and want to share what I've learned to help others. I try to find a healthy balance and I can help you find it too. Please visit the Weight Loss Q & A page and post your questions. Feel free to email me at estherdavison@gmail.com if you prefer a more private setting.

 

Weight Loss Wednesday list edition

Welcome to weight loss Wednesday list edition.

1- I haven't stepped on a scale in over a week.
2- I'm considering diet changes: paleo or gluten free?
3- I thought about the raw food diet for a few days for a cleanse but truthfully I don't think there's enough fruits, veggies, and nuts that I can eat without hating the entire idea.
4- There was devilish brownies with peanut butter and Oreos plus sopapillas at work yesterday, which I did not eat.
5- I drank two bud light limes with a dinner of wings yesterday. I have photographic evidence.
6- I have been at Starbucks every morning this week, since carpooling is great except I'd be at work an hour early.
7- A better idea, would be to go to the gym but first I have to join and pay for it.
8- Tonight, we will have fish for dinner.
9- Tomorrow, I hope to have massive meatballs for dinner.
10- How has your weight loss journey been?

Please stay tuned for thankful Thursday.

Musings

I am not one of those people who eats perfectly healthy 100 % of the time. I am sure there are people who do crazy stuff like that. There is a possibility that I eat healthy 75% of the time.  The diet is thrown out the window Friday night and Saturday night most every weekend.  Then there's the baby cheats.

Baby cheats? you ask.

For example today at lunch I ordered a side salad from Chick-Fil-A. There was a little bit of cheese and I ate it even though I said I was swearing off dairy for now. Earlier in the day, there was a bag of fun size peanut MMs. I ate that too. In the scheme of a day, I would not say the diet was ruined because that was baby cheats.  Baby cheats happen nearly every day. That's where the 75% comes in.

I pondered this while taking Sally Hansen's Salon Effects off my nails. The packaging said regular nail polish but that took an obscene amount of time to remove. I would definitely use it again but next time pay full price and get a color I actually like.

These are my random thoughts for today and nothing was sponsored. Have a good night and day.

Baseball Thursday

I may not be good on my diet today. I may not have someone to join me. I am at a baseball game at Redhawks stadium. I have a great seat and I'm partaking of dollar beer night. This is a great diversion to keep my mind off of lonely feelings. I won't be lonely long. I love to be busy too so this is my turn to do stuff and have fun. I won't let the time go to waste. I will do good!

Dear Lord, thank You for Your blessings. Amen.

Big Plans

It was a big deal getting through a full week of the new job after completing training. I’ve got big plans to do it again. I’m back on the “diet bandwagon” and “running bandwagon” as well. My plan is to focus on my diet to be healthier and lose some weight.

Do you have any big plans for this week, month, or year? Share your thoughts on how you complete your goals!

Distracted

Today’s rating is Positive.

I am still doing fairly good on my diet. I am still working out at the gym and usually getting enough sleep. I wanted to get more things done today but I was distracted by reading about the financial meltdown of 2007/2008 in the book “All the Devils are here”, by Bethany McLean. The book has to be returned tomorrow, so I’m trying to finish it. It’s been interesting to me partly because I have an MBA in Finance and partly because I suffered personal pain during the stock market crash. Maybe institutional investors and Wall Street traders have learned valuable lessons. Maybe not.